A conversation with my dog

This morning, around 7:oo am, my son came into our room to see if we were up yet. Of course we weren't, so he used our bathroom and climbed into our bed. This isn't a big deal since he will usually go back to sleep. The problem is our dog, Quincy, sleeps directly under my son's room and he knows when my son gets up. Barking ensues, as it did this morning. I tried to ignore it and hope Quincy would get the hint and go back to sleep. He didn't so I trudged down the stairs to his crate. This is what happened. (I used the Google Dog Translator to decipher my dogs responses. It's an early beta, only a few select people have it).

As I get to Quincy's crate he immediately lays back down. I open the door and he rolls to his side, he knows this is the way to make it near impossible to put on his collar.

Me: What are you doing? You were barking to go out. Get up!

Quincy: What?

Me: What do you mean what? Get up, you have to go out.

Quincy: No, I'd rather sleep.

Me: But you were just barking to go out two seconds ago!

Quincy: Huh? Are you sure that was me? I don't remember barking.

Me: How could you not remember?

Quincy: Dude, my brain is the size of a hand grenade, I'm lucky I remember to eat.

Me: (forcing my hand under his neck to get his collar on) I'm out of bed so you are going out.

I lift him up and start pulling his collar.

Quincy: Hey, this is the back door. I should probably go out.

Door: Slam!

I went to lay on the couch, knowing that he wouldn't be long. About ten minutes later I heard him barking. I got up to let him in.

Quincy: Oh, you're up?

Me: Hmph, get in your cage please.

I decided It would be best for me to sleep on the couch next to him. I thought that would keep him quiet for a while.

Me: Go back to sleep Quincy. It's early.

Quincy: (passes gas).

Me: Thanks. Go to sleep.

I close my eyes and start to drift off.

Quincy: Psst.

I ignore him. Pretend to sleep.

Quincy. Psst. Dude, I need to go out.

Me: You were just out! I know your baldder isn't that small.

Qunicy: I didn't do anything out there. I just looked at the birds flying around and took a short nap in the grass. I was tired.

Me: So am I!

Quincy: So are you, what?

Me: Argh, you're driving me crazy!

I whip off the blanket, open the cage and put Quincy outside. I head upstairs to go back into bed for a while. Now my daughter is in the bed too. There is 7 square inches for me to sleep. I find a way to fit in the spot and drift off again.

15 minutes pass.

Quincy: (From outside) Hey! You guys awake? There is a squirrel out here you might want to see! Hey! Hey! Hey!



That was the end of me sleeping for a while. I did get to take a nap later. I needed it.

On a similar subject; you know what is so much better about having a puppy in this day and age? Being able to look up things that are poisonous to dogs in an instant. Quincy got part of and apple and banana today. Those are okay, by the way. Raisins are no good. Oh, and chocolate is bad, but they need to have 1 ounce per pound of body weight for it to be toxic. Thanks Google!