This is how you make cooking eggs seem creepy

Okay, maybe that is an exaggeration. But, watch the video first. Watch how the eggs slowly slip out of the top of the machine. Then we'll talk.






Okay, does it not remind you of some creepy X-Files episode where the stuff slowly comes to life and take over your brain or something?

Beyond that, this is one of those classic making-whatever-is-too-hard-so-use-this-dumb-gadget commercial. Yes, if you flip your eggs over from about two feet off the pan the yolks will break. But, if you are not a complete moron, you won't do that. Also, that pan is obviously a non-stick pan, why are the eggs sticking? Are they even trying? I don't think so.

With the way this cooks the only kind of eggs you can make are essentially hard-boiled or omelets, so I don't know why they compare it to an over-easy egg. Besides that, I imagine the outside of this thing will get pretty messy, right? Does the outside clean well?

I'm sure you can make some tasty omelet like things in here, just add some cheese and bacon, (pre-cooked I assume since I don't this will fully cook the bacon) and you get a tiny omelet. It looks like two eggs is about the max this thing will hold, so I hope that is all you make in your omelet.

I think the basic idea isn't really bad here. I think I'm just getting tired of the commercials that make everybody look like complete idiots. You have an idea on how to make eggs easier? That's great. Show me what it does and why it's a good idea. Maybe then people will not assume your product is some crappy gimmick.

I think I've been watching too much Shark Tank.

Fun With TV

Since I've been on the afternoon shift the last week, I've been up a bit later watching TV. There is some fun stuff out there now. I ran across "World's Worst Tenants" the other night on Spike. Now, you know if you want quality TV you need to go the Spike and find something that starts with "World's Worst." I was not disappointed.

First of all, the show is staged. I don't know if they state it in the beginning of the show, but it's pretty obvious. It may be a re-enactment of some real events, but it is not happening real-time. The main eviction guy is awesome. He looks like he is about to bust out of his shirt any minute. Or out of his skin, I can't tell which will give out first. But, his best feature is his hair, what little of it there is. The best way I can describe it is a goatee that is on the back of his head. Just watch the clip below and I think you'll agree this is the best, or worst, television has to offer.






And, of course, there are the commercials. You know I love an incredible product that you can find in stores(tm). The GoJo Hands Free Headset is just such a product. Do you hate wearing an inconspicuous headset that make you look like you are Borg? What about those headphones that fit comfortably on your ears? Do you hate them too? Well, the GoJo Hands Free Headset is for you. Looks it's a big piece of plastic that smashes the phone against your face. Isn't that great? Look, you can use it at the gym! People will never notice! I mean, why would you use headphones at the gym? That's just silly!



Obviously the best part of the commercial is the guy putting the laptop against his head. I can't wait to see people using this with an iPad. You know it would happen if the iPad had a speaker on the front.

This is what I do at night. I think I need some kind of therapy.

This is why insomnia is good for me.

If you know me at all, you know I love a great commercial. And by great I mean terrible.  Well, I have not one, but two, for you today. But only if you call within the next ten minutes.

First up, exercise equipment. We all want to look great, right? We want ripped abs, if your a guy, strong shoulders, nice pipes, etc. Though, funny enough, we must not care about our legs, guys, as we never see a good machine on TV to get rid of the dreaded Bird Legs. Anyway, today we have a new exercise machine. One like you've never seen before. Well, you've never seen it if you are under 70 or healthy. Take a look and see what I mean.



Okay, what does that make you think of? Yes, it's a walker! Like you're grandma uses! If you pay attention to the first five seconds of the video you will swear the guy can't walk and is using it to assist him in moving about.

To be fair, maybe somebody who went through, or witnessed someone going through, some heavy physical therapy and noticed how much the upper body can develop in those situations. But, come on! Don't have some totally ripped dude walking around with the Ultra Walker like he got that strong doing dips and push ups.

Also, curls with this thing? Can you make it anymore awkward, Chandler? This thing weighs 30lbs, right? Can you imagine moving something around that weighs thirty pounds that is shaped like this? It has to be terribly awkward swinging that thing around the house to shove it under your bed, where it will likely sit gathering dust. Until you hit 80 and need it, that is.


Next up, a computer keyboard for old farts. Okay, there is a need for keyboards with large print, I understand that, but this commercial is the problem. And the website. They don't have a video I can embed (their loss) so I have to link to the page. Please, go and look at it. I'll be right here.

Done? First, the good. Like I said, there are people that need this kind of keyboard for various reasons. Also, it's waterproof. Or so they say. That's pretty neat! I'm a total slob and could use something like that in a hideous keyboard.

Now the bad. Look at the website again. Watch the images that pop up on the right side showing all the benefits you get by buying this keyboard.

First, why is the guy with an install CD all covered in grease and holding broken cables? What the hell did he do, pull shit out of his car to try and install some drivers? I mean, really. Who could possible get that dirty running some software? Is his house in the middle of a coal mine or something?

Second, who they hell Photoshopped (is Photoshopped capitalized?) the keyboard in those images where people are using them? Take a close look at the guy doing some kind of architectural design work. Look how freaking big that keyboard is under his arm. That this is like the size of a dashboard of a '74 Lincoln! You have to slide your chair over to go from 'a' to the number pad. And look at the keys! He can type with his elbow and not hit two keys at the same time. I'm going to need to get a second desk to put next to this one so I can fit that thing in front of my computer. I can't get that image off the screen, but here is one with the old lady that is almost as bad.

Look how far out to her right it goes! It's about as long as her arm! I know the real thing isn't the same since they show it in the video. Their graphic arts department (consisting of one guy named Fred who lives in his mom's basement) should be fired.

Lastly, I don't think bigger letters are going to make you type better. Get some Mavis Beacon software or something. Look, I suck at typing and I don't believe this monster will help me.

One more thing. I know you can't really tell here, but they purposely made the image of the regular keyboard blurry to trick you. "See, your eyes aren't what they used to be," they are trying to say. "You should really get one of these keyboards. You can see the keys better and the bright yellow keys will attract all the bees in the neighborhood. Hope you aren't allergic!"


But, on the bright side, you can get two, along with two mice, for the low, low price of $14.95. Plus shipping and handling, of course. Which will be triple the price of the keyboard. But, hey, you'll have a great new keyboard to use to write your angry letter about the shipping charges. Well, make sure to forward those to our Consumer Complaint department, also located in Fred's mom's basement.

Okay, I need to get some sleep now. I'll probably dream of some giant keyboard crushing me in my sleep and I'll have to use a 30lb walker to get around.

SIMMH: #3

I've decided to drop the word shit from the title. You know, for the kids. (Actually, I'm too lazy to keep typing it out.

Today we move into the bathroom of my mom's house. Remember Plax? The pre-brushing rinse? I want to say it came out in the 80's, but I can't be sure. Here is a commercial from 1990 to jar your memory.

So, maybe it came out in 1990? Tough to say. But, you see that bottle? Yep, that is the same one in my mom's linen closet. Take a look.

One thing that you won't notice in the commercial is the extra stuff floating in this bottle. What is it? Spores of some kind? Dead Cavity Creeps? Here's a close-up of them.

It's nice to know if you keep this stuff for 20+ years in closet something will grow in the bottle. It's like a science experiment for your linen closet. Anyone work in a lab who wants a sample of this stuff? Anyone want to drink it? I'll give you a dollar.

Just over two years ago...

I completely forgot that the 27th was the two year anniversary of this blog. That's kind of sad. Then again, with it being so close to Christmas, it is easy to forget. Just ask anyone who has a birthday just after Christmas, people tend to forget about it. Actually, my step-mom's birthday is the day after Christmas, so we give her our present when we see her for Christmas. She doesn't get screwed out of a gift, but it's all done together, which isn't much different.

Anyway, the blog. Yes, so two years. Does it feel much different? No, not much has changed here. I looked at last year's anniversary post to see who I thanked for coming by and commenting. It's still the same people. That's okay, though. It's still fun, that's the only reason I started this anyway, to have some fun and be stupid sometimes. Pretty much like a normal day for me.

Speaking of stupid, have you seen the Cat Emery board thing? I've seen things like this a long time ago? How is it any different? I don't see how it would make the cat's claws less sharp. It's not like the thing is going to take them out, or anything.

Sorry, I've been seeing that commercial a lot and had to say something.

A few months ago I joined a group on Flickr that is taking up a little of my time. That's one of the reasons I've been a little lax in posting lately. It's been a lot of fun, but it also makes me want a new, and nicer, camera. And take a photography class so I know what I'm doing.

Also, not to end on a downer, but we just found our daughter needs her tonsils out. As you may know, the kids have had a bad stretch of strep throat this year. I think she has had it five times over the course of the year, so it's not like this was a surprise. It's going to be interesting, she's not a fan of doctors, or anything that includes pain. This should be fun!

So, in closing, I'd like to say thanks for coming by. Especially, Florinda, Cookie, Mr. Unfocused, Dreamybee, Carly, Karen, DC (who pops in now and again) and anybody else who comes by here, whether you comment or not. Thanks for reading!

Don't mess with my Clapper!

Oh, the Clapper. The most famous of cheesy gifts ever. They have have been ramping up the ads for The Clapper since Christmas is coming. You know, it is the perfect gift for the old and truly lazy. Call now!

Here's my problem, the now have a Clapper Plus that comes with a remote. It's like they have brought it into the 20th century now. (Yes, I know it is the 21st century, that's the joke.) It's just another part of my childhood being wrenched away from me! Sure, you can still clap to make it work, but now you have the option of being even more lazy and not expend the energy it takes to clap. That is not the Clapper we all truly love. Who doesn't find the part of the commercial with the old lady clapping and rolling over in bed a classic bit of TV advertising? We all do. Now the old lady can just push about and roll over. That's not exciting. Besides, what happens when the batteries die on the remote. Now she's going to need to call her grandson over to change them. How is that any easier?

I say we all boycott the new Clapper and just buy the old version. Who's with me? Otherwise more classic bits of crap gifts are going to change. I hear the Chia Pet people are coming up with a version that has a fake plant in it. Can you just imagine that?!

Weekend Assignment #280: Volunteers

I wasn't sure how to start this post, I'm still not, because the Weekend Assignment might go away due to lock of participation. That's not good. If it wasn't for this I wouldn't have met anybody here on the Internet. So, if you have a blog and read this, think about joining in on Karen's page. Please.

Anyway, on to this week's assignment.

Weekend Assignment: #280: Have you ever been actively involved in a campaign or a cause, to the point of doing more than just donating or voting? Tell us about the phone calls, the food drive, the charity walk or other civic-minded work you've done, if any. And if you've never done this sort of thing, why not? (It's okay if you haven't - I'm just interested in the reasons.)
Extra Credit: Do you have a favorite charity? Which one?

The short answer is a sad no. I can't think of anything I've volunteered for. Maybe there is something that I can't remember, but I don't think so. But, I still have something to add.

I've never actively campaigned for a candidate or volunteered like Karen does, but I was part of one a long time ago. Back in the late 70's a family acquaintance was running for governor in Illinois. You know, back before Illinois had such a bar rap. Of course I was only eight at the time, so it may have and I just didn't know.

The only reason I remember this is because we got to be part of a commercial. We recruited the neighbor kids, since there was five of them, got all the kids in our family together, and we went to some school to record a question and answer segment. Yes, the kids were asking the questions. Obviously, in the final commercial there was no volume on us, instead there was a voice over about something to do with kids. He was high up in the education system so that was part of his platform. I should probably mention is name, don;'t you think. It was Mike Bakalis. He's got a Wikipedia page and everything, so you know I'm not making it up.

I don't remember a whole lot about it, though I seem to, but I do remember asking him what he was going to do if he didn't win. That right there is why they didn't bother to record what we were actually saying. Once the commercial stared running I kept hoping to see myself on TV. I never did. I saw some of the neighbors, my sister, and some other kids, but never me. I remember my parents telling me one of my aunts saw me, but I 'm sure they were lying. Too bad this was before the age of VHS, I could post a video of the commercial.

I can post this video, but it has nothing to do with me, so I don't care.

Check out the 70's hair. Also, check out the awesome 70's graphics. Can you imagine someone getting elected with something so boring now?

Sp, that's my story. Oh, and if Mike Bakalis is out there, hi. I had fun doing that commercial back in the day. Sorry you didn't win.

I don't really have a favorite charity, We kind of have a random donation policy in our house. I don't know if that is good our bad.

You saw this, right?

Montell Williams is now helping sell the Obama Coins set. This doesn't bother me too much; they sell coins with people on them all the time.

There are a couple of points I'd like to make:

1. The Washington quarter looks like Obama has an extra head on his shoulders.
   
2. They say they are a 'limited release'. Just remember, they can limit the release at 100 million if they want. It would still be limited. They will unlikely be of much value.
   
3. Only ten sets per family! What a rip!

I wonder how much handling is? They don't tell you until you order, of course.

Random Wednesday (it's back)

I thought today was the perfect day to do a Random Wednesday. It's been awhile.

I watched some of Knight Rider today. I had no choice! I read the short synopsis in the newspaper and it said the doctor guy (that's his name, really) was fixing a sick robot. How do you pass up something like that? I haven't watched the show since I wrote about the mini-series last February but, not surprisingly, it hasn't gotten any better.

There were a few parts I had problems with, or should I say the most problems with. Anyway, the Bad Guy was in this warehouse that was surrounded by an EMP field so the Knight Rider guys couldn't see inside with any of their special toys. Or detect any kind of radio signal out of, for that matter. I can see that, I guess, but my question was; how is the Bad Guy able to remotely control an aircraft drone and get radio signals to all his fancy computer equipment?

Also, the sick robot was lonely and jealous of KITT and all the attention it was getting. Yes, I am serious. So the Good Doctor is able to build a robot with such great AI that it can be jealous but can't speak except in blips and beeps? He must have designed R2-D2 as well.

I have created a monster in my house. My daughter has begun reciting commercials. I really didn't have anything to do this. But, when she talks about Miracle Hangers and getting Jenn the ultimate purse that can hold anything, I know I am in trouble. Next she's going to be asking for ShamWows.

Okay, I need to go to bed.