Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Is that a razor in your pocket or are you glad to see me

This was my morning:

I got up a little late, hitting snooze and extra time was important, and jumped into the shower. I was still okay on time, but I needed to shave as I had skipped doing so for the last three days. I'm lazy, what can I say.

So, I go to shave. However my razor is not in the downstairs bathroom like it usual. Then I remembered I used it upstairs on Sunday since we were having family over and Jenn wanted me to keep that bathroom clean.  I went quietly back upstairs to check the vanity. It wasn't there. So I went back downstairs to look again. Nope. Now I'm starting to get behind schedule. I realize it has to be upstairs so I sneak back up to check again. This time I find it in the vanity. I swear it wasn't there the first time!

I do a quick shave and switch off the razor. Then off and on again. Again. And again. The fucking thing won't turn off! Now I'm trying to figure out what to do. I can't leave it running in the bathroom. The dogs will probably freak out and start barking at it and wake everyone up. I ended up putting it on the floor wrapped in a towel so I can finish getting my stuff together. It's still audible since the house completely quiet. Dammit!

Once I finish getting all my stuff together I decide I can't leave it in the bathroom so I take the stupid thing wrapped in a towel to my car. Luckily no neighbors were out there. As I drive to work I think of what to do with the thing. It's obviously no good anymore and I might as well get rid of it. At first I think I can stop off somewhere on the way and drop it into a dumpster behind a building. But then I decide that is no good. I'm afraid this thing is going to start on fire like all those battery-operated things you read about. With my luck I'd drop it into a dumpster, it starts on fire and I'm recorded dropping it in there. Next thing I know the footage will be on the news with the anchor pleading for information on the man who dropped a incendiary device in the garbage. So the dumpster idea was out.

Next thought: What about dropping it in the garbage at McDonald's on the way? I strike that idea for the same reason. I'll be known as the Big Mac attacker, or something. So I keep driving to work. I figure I'll leave it in my car and hope for the best. If it starts on fire I figure I have insurance so I'll be okay. Maybe.

By the way, it was running all this time. Breaking my concentration with it's incessant buzzing. Like the Tell Tale Razor. Once I make my last turn before I arriving to work it coughs up it's last remaining charge, I pull into work, get out of the car and hope for the best. I was pretty sure my car wouldn't be a smoldering heap of metal when I was done, but I wasn't positive.

By the way, I have had this razor for ages. It's a Braun that is at least ten years old if not older. All I ever had to do was change the foil once. I will miss it, even if it did make this morning crazy.

Anyway, how was your morning?