Sad Day

Today I got the call I was expecting, but was still hoping wouldn't come for a while yet. My step-mom, Mary passed away today. She had been sick for awhile. Actually we thought she wouldn't make it until Christmas, but I think through sheer will, she did. 

She's spent the last month at home with my dad, but she was no longer getting any treatment for either the cancer she had, or the bacterial infection in her lungs that she has been fighting for several years now. They sent her home with in-home hospice care, which is never a fun word, and couldn't treat her for her ailments because she was just too weak to handle them. The Friday before Christmas was the day they made the decision to stop the treatments. That was the day I went to the hospital thinking it was the last time I'd see her. Luckily it wasn't, but I'd obviously like more time. Much more. 

But, the thing is, she was in a lot of pain in the end. She was getting a ton of pain meds and that is not fun for anyone. Now she is pain-free. That is the blessing. 

Now, Mary was technically my step-mom, but my dad and her had been married 41 years. I'm 42, so it's not like I know anything different. Basically, it was like I had two moms. I never lived with my dad and Mary, but I'd say she was as close to a biological mother as you could get, without the actual biology. 

She taught me a lot of things over the years. She taught how to appreciate antiques (she had a ton of old stuff), she taught me latch-hooking when it was all the craze, she taught me that plants should not die when they are in your possession. I need to work on that last one. 

One funny memory. I was maybe 9 or 10 years-old and we were on vacation in Wisconsin. We rented a house, we needed it when all the kids were together, and I was the last one eating breakfast. She asked if I wanted another piece of French toast and I said, "Nah." But I guess she thought I said "yeah" and gave me another one. The problem was I was stuffed and couldn't possible eat another bite. She came back and said I better eat it since I asked for it. I didn't want to say she hear me wrong so I wrapped it in a paper napkin and went into the bedroom and threw it away. Being a smart kid, I didn't just toss it in the trash, I put it under the bag that was in the small can, thus concealing it. Really all I did was have her find it later. At least I assume. She never said anything, but there is no way she didn't find it. So I guess she also taught me to not waste food and that parents are smarter than kids. 

My big worry now is my dad. He's going to be alone for the first time ever. Yes, he's been divorced, but I don't think there was a long gap and this is much different.  The good thing is he has seven kids and many grandkids to keep him busy. That is our job now, to look out for him and try to fill the whole left by Mary's passing. Keeping him busy will help me, too. At least I hope so, because when I'm not doing anything that's when I remember she is gone. It's going to take a while to get used to that. 

Here's a picture of Mary with my brother and I from 1981. I think we were in Florida. Pardon the crappy scan quality. 

Okay, I have to try and get some sleep. I'll probably have more to say after this is all over, but this is going to be an exhausting week. 

This is why insomnia is good for me.

If you know me at all, you know I love a great commercial. And by great I mean terrible.  Well, I have not one, but two, for you today. But only if you call within the next ten minutes.

First up, exercise equipment. We all want to look great, right? We want ripped abs, if your a guy, strong shoulders, nice pipes, etc. Though, funny enough, we must not care about our legs, guys, as we never see a good machine on TV to get rid of the dreaded Bird Legs. Anyway, today we have a new exercise machine. One like you've never seen before. Well, you've never seen it if you are under 70 or healthy. Take a look and see what I mean.



Okay, what does that make you think of? Yes, it's a walker! Like you're grandma uses! If you pay attention to the first five seconds of the video you will swear the guy can't walk and is using it to assist him in moving about.

To be fair, maybe somebody who went through, or witnessed someone going through, some heavy physical therapy and noticed how much the upper body can develop in those situations. But, come on! Don't have some totally ripped dude walking around with the Ultra Walker like he got that strong doing dips and push ups.

Also, curls with this thing? Can you make it anymore awkward, Chandler? This thing weighs 30lbs, right? Can you imagine moving something around that weighs thirty pounds that is shaped like this? It has to be terribly awkward swinging that thing around the house to shove it under your bed, where it will likely sit gathering dust. Until you hit 80 and need it, that is.


Next up, a computer keyboard for old farts. Okay, there is a need for keyboards with large print, I understand that, but this commercial is the problem. And the website. They don't have a video I can embed (their loss) so I have to link to the page. Please, go and look at it. I'll be right here.

Done? First, the good. Like I said, there are people that need this kind of keyboard for various reasons. Also, it's waterproof. Or so they say. That's pretty neat! I'm a total slob and could use something like that in a hideous keyboard.

Now the bad. Look at the website again. Watch the images that pop up on the right side showing all the benefits you get by buying this keyboard.

First, why is the guy with an install CD all covered in grease and holding broken cables? What the hell did he do, pull shit out of his car to try and install some drivers? I mean, really. Who could possible get that dirty running some software? Is his house in the middle of a coal mine or something?

Second, who they hell Photoshopped (is Photoshopped capitalized?) the keyboard in those images where people are using them? Take a close look at the guy doing some kind of architectural design work. Look how freaking big that keyboard is under his arm. That this is like the size of a dashboard of a '74 Lincoln! You have to slide your chair over to go from 'a' to the number pad. And look at the keys! He can type with his elbow and not hit two keys at the same time. I'm going to need to get a second desk to put next to this one so I can fit that thing in front of my computer. I can't get that image off the screen, but here is one with the old lady that is almost as bad.

Look how far out to her right it goes! It's about as long as her arm! I know the real thing isn't the same since they show it in the video. Their graphic arts department (consisting of one guy named Fred who lives in his mom's basement) should be fired.

Lastly, I don't think bigger letters are going to make you type better. Get some Mavis Beacon software or something. Look, I suck at typing and I don't believe this monster will help me.

One more thing. I know you can't really tell here, but they purposely made the image of the regular keyboard blurry to trick you. "See, your eyes aren't what they used to be," they are trying to say. "You should really get one of these keyboards. You can see the keys better and the bright yellow keys will attract all the bees in the neighborhood. Hope you aren't allergic!"


But, on the bright side, you can get two, along with two mice, for the low, low price of $14.95. Plus shipping and handling, of course. Which will be triple the price of the keyboard. But, hey, you'll have a great new keyboard to use to write your angry letter about the shipping charges. Well, make sure to forward those to our Consumer Complaint department, also located in Fred's mom's basement.

Okay, I need to get some sleep now. I'll probably dream of some giant keyboard crushing me in my sleep and I'll have to use a 30lb walker to get around.

Merry Christmas!

I guess I'm becoming the holiday blogger. Since New Year's is coming up soon, I'll have more than one post in a month. Believe it or not. 

Hope everyone (singular) who reads this has a great Christmas, or Chanukah. It's truly the best time of year to give presents to people. I mean, besides birthdays. 

I remember getting some great toys as a kid. Sure, they were probably filled with toxins, but they seemed way more sturdy than this stuff nowadays. There are some toys at my mom's house that I got 30 years ago. Yes, I'm old. My favorite toys, or at least things I really wanted, were the Firefox remote control car and Big Trak. 

The remote control car did end up being great. Sure, it couldn't climb sand dunes like in the commercial, but it worked. I could drive it anywhere in the house and outside. Then, when we got bored, we'd put tape on the wheels and do drifting around the house way before it became cool. 

The Big Trak was another story. You had to program it to do a specific task, which took forever, but in order for it to drive you had to tell it how many vehicle lengths to go, then what degree turn to do, etc. Am I supposed to be an engineer at 8 years old? How could I have it drive up to my cat and shoot at it? By the time I'd be done programming the cat would have kittens. But it did make cool noises that sounded like they were right out of "The Six Million Dollar Man." 

Oh, wait! I forgot about the Evel Kenievel stuff we had! The motorcycles were great. They would actually go, jump over ramps and all that stuff. I also had the Skycycle. That thing sucked. It didn't go anywhere you wanted and ended up crashing into things all the time. Which I guess makes sense. This was the thing he attmepted to jump the Snake River Canyon in and he only made it 10 feet before he crashed spectacularly. if I had known that I would have returned it before opening it. 

Anyway, I hope you all get nice presents this year. You all deserve it. And, don't give out crappy presents like I did to my mom one year. 

All this thing did was blow ashes all over the place. it kind of defeated the purpose. Sure, the smoke didn't get in your eyes or lungs, but the ashes did. What's worse? I should have bought her the food dehydrator instead.  Hell, the Pocket Fisherman would have been better. 

Happy Thanksgiving: Be Lazy

Happy Thanksgiving. I think we all need to get these to take full advantage of this holiday.

 

I think we should show up at our our celebrations wearing these. What better way to enjoy the peaceful bliss that tryptophan provides than by slipping into a nice food coma in your pajamas that you wore to the house? As a bonus, you can wear these out for you Black Friday shopping. It has an escape hatch for bathroom visits and who is really going to care what you are wearing when you are on the ground wrestling for that last 12 dollar DVD player? So, enjoy your lazy day. Have a lot of food and wear your pajamas. You can keep them for Christmas day, too.

EMPS 150: A walk in the Park

I haven't participated in one of Carly's photo shoots in a loooooooooooooong time. I'm here to fix that. This week Carly asked for pictures from a walk in the park. I was in a park-like place. It's a nature center that I go to all the time close to the house. It has a little bit of everything in one spot. I always feel very relaxed walking through there.

Anyway, on to the pictures.

As you can see, fall is pretty much done here. There are barely any leaves left, and most everything is brown. At least we are snow free. 

Mini Home Improvement

As I mentioned last time, Jenn is out of town for work for ten days. We are halfway through and I am not insane yet. Success!

Anyway, I have some house project to work on which, if you know me, I suck at. But I worked on painting our fireplace this week. We painted, well, my nephew painted, our family room walls, and we decided to paint the fireplace too. Why you ask? Well, take a look at what it looked like.

A little on the 70s side, don't you think? We decided that when we painted the room we'd have to do this as well. I was a bit worried since it is finished wood and I knew it would be hard to cover. I wasn't wrong.

On day one I put a coat of primer on. I was actually more nervous after I did this. See how much you can still see through it? I didn't think anything would stick to the wood.

I took a picture after the second coat, but I can't seem to find it now. But, it was a little better. I felt a little better.


The first coat of paint went on pretty well. I could still see the wood, but it was much less noticeable. Progress!

Finally, I applied the last coat today. It's like a whole new fireplace!

Of course, now we need to put something up. It looks too bland by itself. Don't you think?

Okay, now for some well deserved rest.

What kind of lame blog am I running here?

I can't believe it took me more than a month to come back here. Actually, I can. I have a short attention span. I'm surprised I kept this thing going as long as it has.

I haven't been around much here, but I'm still on Twitter, Tumblr and Google+. Mostly I've been posting pictures there and I'll probably end up doing the same here. It's what I like to do know, so I should probably put it here. I hope I don't bore you all too much.

Speaking of pictures, here are the last batch from Hawaii.

This is the helicopter that the family rode in to see the sights. How did I get this picture, you ask? Well, I wasn't in there. Our daughter was afraid, so someone had to stay. I took one for the team. What?! I'm not getting in one of those things.

This is Mauna Loa from the helicopter place, Blue Hawaii. I originally thought it was Mauna Kea but was corrected on Google+.

These are some palm trees at The Place of Refuge. My wife and I went by ourselves here. It was a neat place to walk around. Yes, those are people. The trees were TALL! 

This is from our last night. Some damn good sunsets in Hawaii.

This is also from The Place of Refuge. Blogger wants this picture here and will not let me put it in order. Anyway, you see a lot of little things like this around. Right near here was a sign saying not to do this. It's considered graffiti and since this is sacred ground it's not cool. Though I don't think the person who put this here meant any harm. 

Putting these up so late really make me want to go back to Hawaii. I knew I'd love it, but I didn't think I would this much. I really want to go back. Hopefully in a couple of years we can. 

Before I move on I want to thank Dreamybee (not her real name). She lives in Hawaii and was a great source of information and was especially helpful through Twitter when we were stuck in Honolulu. This is why the Internet is great. 

On to new business. Jenn just left for India for 10 days. I just looked and her flight is in Dubai now and she heads out to Mumbai next. That's a lot of flying. So, I'm home alone with the kids and getting some work around the house done. You know, painting, fixing up stuff, re-wiring the family room (220-221, whatever it takes).

Right now I'm working on the painting and I'm at the, "Oh shit, this may not work," stage. I'm hoping it's okay, but I have my doubts. I'm painting the fireplace. It was really dark before and I'm worried the lighter color is not going to work. I'm working on priming it now and it just looks like it's going to look like crap. I think I'm doing it wrong. I'm taking before, during and after photos so you can see what I'm talking about. My plan is to have all this stuff done before Jenn gets home. Won't that be a nice surprise? Actually, it will be a surprise if the house is in one piece.