(Deep breaths) I'm not very happy. I'm glad I didn't spend money to see it in a movie theater. Then again, maybe I would have liked it better on the big screen. I don't think so, though.
Spoilers follow so don't read further if you haven't seen it yet. If you haven't, maybe you would want to wait until it is on cable, or someting.
Jenn noticed that the story was by George Lucas in the opening credits, she wondered if we should be worried. I said that the screenplay was by someone else (no, I'm not going to look up who it was right now) so we should be okay. I should have listened to her.
The beginning wasn't too bad, but them finding what we are led to believe is an alien kind of ticked me off. Yes, I had heard about that, but still. Oh, and if the magnetism was so strong that gun powder flew across a warehouse to the box, you would not be able to pull anything off the box that stuck to it. Especially a large sword. But, okay, the science stuff isn't always right, I can let it go usually. But the alien thing was bugging me. I did like that the showed part of the Ark from the first movie. I'll come back to that later. I didn't even mind the nuke test scene. Sure, he would still be dead since he flew several miles in a refrigerator, but I let that go, too.
After he gets let go by the FBI (I didn't get the war hero thing either) we see Indy back teaching and his boss calls him out of the class to tell him his being booted. Then we see them both at his place packing. Jenn mentioned that almost the same thing happened in the first movie; He gets called out of the class by Marcus, then later we see them at Indy's house packing. I was waiting for Indy to throw a gun wrapped in a towel into his suitcase.
I'll skip some parts here, when Indy and Shia (I can't remember the character's name) are in the tomb area we have scorpions crawling all over Shia. Again, Jenn pointed out that replace scorpions with spiders and the scene is very similar to Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Okay, one thing I liked is that Indy explained the shape of some skulls by saying some tribe put bands on the skull and they get that shape. Good. I figured we were done with the aliens. Silly me.
Now Indy is tied up in some campsite that, again, looks eerily fimilar to the first movie. They get away, after dragging Marion out and get stuck in quicksand. So, Shia gets a snake to pull them out. Obviously Indy is a wuss about it. I know, they were going for a laugh, but it wasn't working. Why? Well, to me at least, it really seemed like Harrison Ford was not into this movie at all. He seemed bored and half-asleep. Anyway, they were in the Amazon rainfores, Shia couldn't find a branch faster than he could find a snake?
Let's move on to the car chase in the forest. Sword fighting between two cars? Okay, I'll go with it if I have to. The cars separate so Shia is spread-eagle with branches hitting him in the balls? I'm sorry, you lost me. Was it necessary? Or funny?
Let's skip to the last act. First of all, how many times was Indy going to let his friend double-cross him? I thought Indy was smart? So, they get the room where the skull goes and there are twelve full alien crystal skeletons, and one without a head. Wait, we are back to the aliens? Crap. Then after the put the skull on number 13 it kind of comes to life then everything gets pulled into another dimension. So they try to say they are not aliens because they are from another dimension? I have a feeling that might have been some point of contention when they were making the movie. Someone wanted aliens, and someone didn't, and this was a compromise. Either way at the end a saucer-shape craft came out of the ground and disappeared and so did my childhood. Aliens was the dumbest thing they could have used in this movie, in my opinion. Sure, Indy always went after legends, and didn't really believe in them, but they were based on Earth at least.
At the end we have Indy and Marion getting married. Whatever. Then a breeze pushes open the door and Indy's Fedora rolls to Shia's feet. As that happened I'm screaming in my head, "No! Don't put it on! NO! You cannot be the next Indy! This is bad enough! No!" Thankfully, Indy grabbed it and put it on. Phew. Close one.
I guess you could say I didn't like this one. This is a shortened version, if you want to hear more, let me know.
About the Ark; Jenn and I thought it was nice nod to the original to put that in there, but I had an idea after I went to bed. They could have dumped the whole alien thing easily. Say the Russians notice the Ark, the lady realizes what it is and takes that instead, knowing it's power. This way now Indy has to go inside the Iron Curtain to retrieve it. I know I was making fun of them for using things from the first movie, but they could have done it as more of a direct sequel, and gotten rid of the aliens. I think it may have been more enjoyable. To me at least.
So Mr. Lucas has ruined another one of my favorite movie series. Well, maybe he made me appreciate the first three more. Yes, Spielberg directed it so he gets some blame too. At least Lucas can't ruin anything else. It's not like he's going to digitally add a character to American Graffiti or anything. Though it would be cool to see Yoda driving a hot-rod around.
Okay, I need to go yell at the neighborhood kids for being on my lawn. I've obviously gotten to be old and cranky.