Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Why my kids are weird*

* (With apologies to Pamela Ribon. I kind of used her book titles).

Before I start I want to say that I love my kids. I couldn't imagine life without them. But they do some strange things.

My daughter talks to imaginary friends. Yes, I know. A lot of kids have imaginary friends. But, my daughter only talks to them in the bathroom when she is going potty. She will babble away for ten minutes about her day, what she wants for dinner, why she is going potty, and who got into trouble at pre-school. I'm not sure why she only talks to them in the bathroom. She must have locked them in there so she has someone to talk to during her potty breaks.

My son, like most six-year olds, can't remember what you asked him to do 30 seconds ago. But, when it is time for bed, he has a whole list of questions that he will never forget to ask. "Am I sick? I'm not going to throw up, or have bad dreams, or think my room is creepy, or dinosaurs aren't going to come down the hall?" It's the same every night. He never believes you the first time so he usually comes out of his bedroom once to ask the same questions again. By the second or third time he will go to sleep.

My daughter likes playing with cars. Her idea of playing cars is lining them up in a perfectly straight line to pretend there is traffic. What fun! I'm sure the Hot Wheels company has been trying to market the traffic jam set for ages. Sometimes she will mix it up a bit and decide to park them all; again in perfectly straight lines.

My son will not eat food if it looks different, but today he ate an ice cube off the floor that the dog had been chewing on. He didn't know the dog was chewing on it, but still, it was on the carpet. When I told him that the dog had been chewing on it he didn't care. Figure that one out. Oh, speaking of eating the dog's things. When he was a toddler he sampled our old dog's puke once. He found it before I did, sampled it, and starting throwing up himself. He was too young to tell me what he ate, but when he pointed it out, it was really hard not to laugh.

My daughter is going to be a medical examiner. She will lay out her babies all over the floor, face down, and cover their bodies. It's like some kind of crime scene when she does it. Wait, I think I posted a picture of that. Yep, here it is.

That is just a sample. But, when you think of it, they have me as a dad. They really have no choice.

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